Alt-J
—Tessellate
Bite chunks out of me,
You’re a Shark and I’m Swimming
Adventures in Time Management
I’ve been absent from the Internet for quite sometime. My updates: infrequent. My re-posts: unheard of. My followers: well let’s be honest, no one reads my blog but had I accumulated any followers earlier this summer they certainly haven’t stuck by me, justifiably so.
Earlier this year I’d wanted to commit more fully to my blog. Use it as a means of tracking my own progress and keeping myself on a path of productivity. Every week I wanted to update, showcase and brag about the happenings of my ever-changing life. A nice thought, indeed. What I discovered was that at times life moves far too quickly to keep track of. Or at least to post about. In some ways I think this is a positive thing. I think it means that I stopped being productive in order to prove I was doing something with my time and just trusted that my time was being well spent. I’ve never been busier, never been under so much stress (self inflicted, of course) but simultaneously never been happier. My days are spent learning, writing, filming, editing and working to pay the bills seeing as I haven’t yet found a way to make the former do so and occasionally sharing a bottle of wine with friends or going to an array of hip folk-esque rock shows. My heart has grown, stumbled and gotten back up with more grace than I’d been able to manage before. I’ve grown more sure of myself and of my goals in life, sifted through those that are unjustifiable and determined what I deserve, or at least what I think I deserve at this point in my life. I’m young, I’ll grow, the things I think I need now may very well fall to the way side in years to come and I’m humble enough to admit that this is the case. But at this point in time I’m on the right track. I haven’t a clue where this trail will lead but it currently has all I need to sustain a happy and emotionally gratifying life. I’d like to say that this is the turn around; That this blog is my re-entrance into the tumbling community but it’s not. It’s not an apology for my lack of commitment to my blog either. More so an explanation, a justification (though unnecessary) as to why my entries have been and will continue to be sporatic and untimely. If you have stuck around though, continue to stick. The quality of my entries is on the up and up although their frequency may not be. Until next time (whether it be next week or next month), your adventuring friend.
This is my foster cat Roo. She responds to the following: Roo, Roo-bot, Roo-Boo, Roo-Bear, Roo-tard, Roo-Bitch and Bitch-Face.
I think I was inappropriately young when I watched and fell in love with this movie for the first time.
(Source: fuckyeahmovieposters)
Most recent addition to the reading nook.
Pour Les Nuages, Passer Par L’EscalierMarc Giai-Miniet
The artist Boxes, open to one side, reveal detailed rooms filled with objects that tell a story, a story that we as the viewer are invited to discover.
Pass on the good
(Source: moosekleenex, via teachingliteracy)
Having a blog overwhelms me and this makes me question my capability to be a responsible committed artist and writer which in turn makes me question my sanity because it’s just tumblr.
Adventures in Translations
As I write this I sit in the corner of the coffee house my best friend works at. In front of me sits a peanut butter cookie that I nibble on whilst sipping a fruit smoothie. My nails are uneven and brittle and if my cosmetology teacher from high school saw the state of my cuticles she’d probably fall to her knees, feeling as though she’d failed her students. My stomach bulges ever-so-slightly over the waist of my jeans catching my shirt and giving my cotton tee a Sharpe-esque appearance. My hair is long, thick, un-kept. I have terrible circulation and getting me to make a decision can be more difficult than raking leaves on a windy day. I’m stubborn, emotional, passionate and sometimes even unreasonable. I make terrible jokes that only I find funny, sing over songs way too often and I couldn’t be happier with who I am.
Today I unintentionally released a lot of tension. I was walking in the sunlight when I finally connected, physically connected, to the fact that I have very little control over how my future will unfold. I can play my cards the way I chose but what happens beyond that is not entirely up to me. Very little, actually, is up to me. Instantly my stomach released, fully released and I hadn’t even realized that I’d literally been holding tension in my abdomen for months. My whole body felt so overwhelmed with relief that I started crying as I walked down the street. Not nose running, face dripping tears, just a subtle steady stream down my cheeks.
I realized while walking that I loved my body, that I thought myself to be quite beautiful, a thought I’d told myself many a time but hadn’t fully accepted until now. I walked past a store and walked in. I tried on a gorgeous hand made bathing suit, a two piece. I hadn’t worn a bikini in over six years. My body is not in the shape that it used to be but I felt sexier in that bathing suit than I had in a long time. Seeing as the bathing suit was a bit out of my price range and an unnecessary purchase, I bought it instantly. I didn’t care that I didn’t need a bathing suit or that I was trying to save money. I was proud of myself for being so good to my heart.
It took me a long time to accept uncertainty and to accept myself and I’m not naive, I know I’m still growing. But today I made some incredible steps in the right direction and I’m eager to see how those steps translate in my daily activities, my art and my relationships. I feel really confident in my future despite the fact that I couldn’t even tell you where I’ll be in three months. Uncertainty can be exciting.
Adventures in Schooling
This morning I woke up and the air was different; I stepped outside onto my balcony and instantly ducked back in to grab a fleece blanket, wrapping my bare legs in warmth. Without the mid-day sun warming from above the air was penetrating and cold. It appeared that autumn was well on its way.
Walking through the streets I saw signs boasting price slashes on still-overpriced lunch boxes and back packs. Characters from the summer’s biggest block busters smiled up invitingly from pencil cases and pen sets tempting and teasing those such as myself who received mostly hand-me-downs. Children begged and cried for the newest and coolest while their cash-strapped parents tried to explain the concept of compromise whilst not making a scene. I sympathized with the parents, finally understanding how much money it had to have cost my parents to raise me and still, I remembered the awe and admiration given to the kid in my class who showed up every year with something cooler than the last.
I thought of the routine that came along with school. Classes, homework, extra-curricular’s and the extra-extra-curricular’s that took place long after the school was over. For the first time in a very long time I missed being a student. There was something really reassuring and comforting about having a schedule and set of goals set out for you at the beginning of the year and a date that they need to be accomplished by, not to mention projects and assignments that brought you to those goals directly if you were willing to commit. I love my life, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a lot scarier when you’re in charge of setting up those goals and check points yourself. There is no one to blame but yourself when things fall apart or don’t get accomplished. This year I’ve set myself some pretty big goals and I’m having a difficult time sticking to them out of fear of failing but still, I take strides towards what I’m certain will be a lucrative career if only I could commit.
As a child my report card read “Kirsten is a very bright girl but she spends a lot of her time day-dreaming”. This year I want my ‘report card’ to read “Kirsten finally put that day-dreaming to good use.”
